I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize