You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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