it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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