I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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