I have demons in me.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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