found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
