do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
