Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
