New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
