She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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