At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
