Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
