Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
