Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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