Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
