You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
