You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Can Purell be used as lube?
You can't motorboat a personality
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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