maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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