IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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