I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
