Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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