party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
