6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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