I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
