i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
