ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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