Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize