come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
