My first STD was from a foam party
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
