Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
