i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
