Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
