I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
