Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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