I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
