She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
