I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just made out with a guy for $7.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
