HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Buhtt sex?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
