i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
