Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
