my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
