remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i think i have two assholes
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
