6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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