How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
