I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize