BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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