so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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