seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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