is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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