i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
