and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
