I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
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I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
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I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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