My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
