I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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