i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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