he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
