she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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