Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
