He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
