The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Randomize
