There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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