Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
