where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
