i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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