Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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