I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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