we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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